January 10th 9.39AM PST
I just got out of my first mentoring session of 2022 with Paul Scanlon.
We were talking about journeying towards our authentic self and what being authentic looks like. As I reflected on my personal journey I became aware of the many times I was in-authentic because I was “Enga Enakan”.
“Enga Enakan” is an Indonesian term that means I feel bad or inappropriate or not wholesome in saying this or doing that. It is a term that is highly accepted by society (in my culture). It is almost seen like if you are “enga enakan” you are such a good, genuine, self sacrificing human being.
What a load of crap.
I brought into that crap for many years (and still do from time to time).
I NOW realize “enga enakan” is often thrown around to excuse yourself from being, doing, saying what you actually think. It is a term that excuses me from being an authentic version of myself.
Enga Enakan comes from an EGOIC side that desires to protect my reputation rather than speak my mind. Your authentic self should not intentionally create havoc or pain to others but it can bring friction to relationships. It brings friction because there will be an unsettling disappointment between what others expect of you and how you choose to live your life. Being authentic is all about you choosing to not disappoint yourself over seeking the approval of others.
The authentic self lives from a place that is free from the opinions of others. “Enga enakan” lives from a place that is chained to the opinion of others. Authentic self has a calming, peaceful energy that is un-phased by external factors. “Enga enakan” has this anxiousness because you are in constant combat with your authentic self.
Whenever I feel “enga enakan” creeping in, I am challenged to combat that emotion with “what is keeping me from expressing my truest opinions”?