Don’t lose yourself in the hustle.

It took 2 months of settling back to Indonesia, but today I am finally back in a coffee shop, by myself — working, writing, sipping on tea. It feels good. This fulfills me. I feel calm. I realize any place, person, role that requires me to perform, (behave in a way that is inauthentic to me) my body develops this allergic reaction against it.

Perhaps I need to refuel myself with alone time. Solitude has been my new favorite word. Actually, refuel is not the right word, I am definitely fueled by meeting people #extrovertneeds. Perhaps the right way to put it is; the need to intentionally recenter back to my authentic self periodically, so I can speak, decide, lead, and serve out of that replenished self.

As I meet people, as I digest media, as I face the world each day — it is easy to lose myself in the hustle. I definitely have been giving a lot of myself lately; slotting people into my google calendar without factoring if I am meeting this person out of a replenished, re-centered, authentic Grace or a drained, potentially performance-based Grace?

I have been having a migraine everyday over the past 10 days. I wonder if this is related. I have been battling headaches and light sensitivities. It is annoying. It incapacitates me. Perhaps this is my body telling me STOP PLEASE. CALM DOWN. NO MORE SCHEDULED COFFEES, NO MORE YES-es to additional roles/projects/events till you recenter yourself… until you anchor and reorient yourself to the direction you want to go.

Maybe it is time to say yes to less and no to more. Maybe it’s time to intentionally create margin. Maybe it’s time to simplify life so we live anchored to the things that matter.

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